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20 June 2015 @ 04:00 pm
The hole in my heart is you  

It aches sometimes.. These feels..
The heavy overflow. It's no one's fault but my own.
I am too much, I should have known..
And there's not enough beauty to back up this kind of crazy.

Why do I get like this? I told myself never again.
What am I doing?
What is this fascination?

I get fucking creepy.. visibly so.
I can't stop staring, I can't stop playing scenes...
I can't stop thinking.

"It's fine." He'd say... but it really isn't.

I don't know what to do with all of these emotions.
I don't know how to find balance. I've never known how. I either care too much, or too little.

Caring too little is managable. I don't become creepy and weird. I don't become impatient. I just, relax and accept things as they come.

I feel crappy today. Probably hormones are to blame.
Or the fake self esteem has wore thin. Either way.. everything feels like a huge issue today.

Tired of letting myself down.
Gotta get right. Gotta become a person who is worth the things I want. Who is worth loving, and who can inspire him.

...no more pretending...
...I gotta do better..