It aches sometimes.. These feels..
The heavy overflow. It's no one's fault but my own.
I am too much, I should have known..
And there's not enough beauty to back up this kind of crazy.
Why do I get like this? I told myself never again.
What am I doing?
What is this fascination?
I get fucking creepy.. visibly so.
I can't stop staring, I can't stop playing scenes...
I can't stop thinking.
"It's fine." He'd say... but it really isn't.
I don't know what to do with all of these emotions.
I don't know how to find balance. I've never known how. I either care too much, or too little.
Caring too little is managable. I don't become creepy and weird. I don't become impatient. I just, relax and accept things as they come.
I feel crappy today. Probably hormones are to blame.
Or the fake self esteem has wore thin. Either way.. everything feels like a huge issue today.
Tired of letting myself down.
Gotta get right. Gotta become a person who is worth the things I want. Who is worth loving, and who can inspire him.
...no more pretending...
...I gotta do better..